GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS

HOLIDAY TIME!! The whole world seems consumed with tinsel and glitter--but those who grieve are only aware of the terrible hole in their hearts and in their lives. Knowing the intense pain of the Holiday Season, here are some helpful thoughts which other bereaved persons have shared, with the hope of making your Holidays easier to handle.

We must realize that grieving persons have definite limitations: we do not function at normal capacity; therefore, we must re-evaluate our priorities and decide what is really meaningful for ourselves and our families.

1.        We must decide what we can handle comfortably--and let these needs be known to family, friends and relatives:

  • whether or not to talk about our loved one

  • whether we can handle the responsibility of the family dinner, holiday parties, etc., or if we wish someone else to take over some of the holiday traditional tasks

  • whether we will stay here for the Holidays, or choose to "run away" to a totally different Holiday environment this year.


2.         Don't be afraid to make changes; it really can be less painful!

  • open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning

  • have dinner at a different time

  • attend a different church for your Christmas Eve service

  • let the children take over decorating the tree, making cookies, etc.

3.         Our greatest comfort may come in doing something for others; some persons feel they can acknowledge their loss more meaningfully by:

  • giving a gift in memory of our loved one

  • donating the money we would have spent on our loved one for a gift to a particular charity

  • adopting a needy family for the Holidays

  • inviting a guest (foreign student, senior citizen, etc.) to share your festivities.


4.        Whether it's greeting cards, Holiday baking, putting up the tree, decorating outside, or having a big family dinner, ask these questions before making any decisions:

  • have I involved or considered my other family members?

  • do I really enjoy doing this? Do other family members really enjoy doing this?

  • is this a task that can be shared by other family members?


WOULD CHRISTMAS BE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT IT??


5.         How many stockings shall we hang? We may decide to:

  • put them all up

  • hang no stockings at all

  • put thoughts and feelings about our loved one on notes and put them in that special stocking.


Family members are free to read them (a special opportunity for younger children to express feelings)

  • One family burns a "Special Candle" on all their Special Days to quietly include their "absent" loved one.

  • One mother buys a poinsettia for her home as a living memorial to her son for the Holiday Season; another always orders a bouquet of orange daisies.

  • Christmas shopping is definitely easier if you make the entire list out ahead of time. Then, when one of those "Good Days" comes along, you can get your shopping done quickly and with less confusion.

  • If the thought of sending Holiday cards is simply too exhausting, yet you discover that some of your friends are still unaware of your loss, then do try this suggestion: Enclose the simple little funeral service card inside the already bought greeting card. Others have found the response from friends is most rewarding.



*****REMEMBER TO*****
  • Take one day at a time.

  • Be realistic--recognize that we need to set limits and do those things which are meaningful to ourselves and our families.

  • Know that whatever you choose to do this year, you may decide to handle things differently next year. Growth and change go hand in hand.

  • And don't forget that comforting discovery that many have confirmed: the realization that when that "Special Day" arrives, it's truly not as bad--by any means--as we anticipated.




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